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peace

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

After delaying it for a couple of weeks, I thought maybe it’s time to write about this (this sounds dramatic but the post i’m about to write is not 😂). And I’m currently not in a state of 100% peace of mind so I guess this would be a refresher for me as well.

So, sometime last month, there was an event held by Faith Events and Tertib Publishing about “The Secrets to a Calm and Peaceful Mind” and the talk was given by Ustaz Mizi Wahid. It was held at the university that I’m currently attending, so when I saw the announcement in my email, I thought “why not go?”. Plus, it’s been sooo long since I went to a physical event/ceramah and this seemed like a great opportunity.

I won’t go into the details of the talk because the team had done a very good job on posting snippets/key points from the talk on their instagram, which you can find here.

What I wanted to write about was that I didn’t realize I was going to be tested right after. So for brief context, I mostly rely on public transport here because I don’t have my own car yet. I ordered a Grab to go back to my hostel from my campus (oh, maybe i should’ve mentioned that the hostel and the campus of the university is separated, for some reason). Usually it’ll take less than 10 minutes between the two places. When I did manage to get a Grab, the driver called me to say he couldn’t get to me because the roads were closed. In my heart, I was like “*sighs*, of course today out of all these days”. So I cancelled the Grab request and ordered another one. This time, this driver was able to get to me. But when we arrived at a traffic light junction, we saw smoke coming up from a building and fire engines were around (was just checking for some news about it but there wasn’t much? hopefully no one was injured).

The usual roads leading to my hostel were also closed and so we had to reroute. The Grab driver was apparently not familiar with the area and asked me where to go. I was (and still am, to be honest) not too familiar with the area too, so I was scrambling on Google Maps to find alternative routes. Meanwhile, the driver was trying out a different road but had to do a U-turn because it was closed too. Just to give you a idea on how it got stressful, the roads were pretty packed so moving around, making U-turns were not easiest. Plus, the driver that I got was getting a bit aggressive, raising his voice and I started to feel uncomfortable (and feel bad because I wish I knew the area more so I could get us out of this situation).

He ended up asking me to change my destination, so I changed it to a bank, not necessarily nearby, but far enough for us to get out of the packed roads. We managed to get to the bank and I got off the Grab. In regards to the cost, it usually costs less than RM10 from campus to the hostel, but this ‘journey‘ from campus to this particular bank costed me more than that. When he left, I had to again order another Grab, which did cost me another RM10+. During that time, I was thinking of just getting back to my hostel because I was unfamiliar with where I was and I was planning to go to my sister’s place right after the event (but alhamdulillah, definitely was grateful for at least being able to afford paying for Grab). This time, I finally managed to arrive at my hostel. The driver was much more chill than the previous one 😂. Right after reaching my hostel, I quickly went to my room, prayed my Asar and immediately went out again to go to my sister’s.

When I was in the car with the first driver, I tried my best to not be too emotional about it, wishing how this shouldn’t have happened, why did I get an loud-spoken driver (he was getting angry about this and as a person who doesn’t like conflicts, I really wanted to squeeze myself in the corner) etc. And because I just attended that talk about ‘having peace’, I tried to stay calm and remind myself of the points that were shared during the talk (respond with peace, have tawakkul/surrender to Allah, make du’a !!). And regarding the cost, I was quite sad that I had to spend more than double what I usually pay for Grab but I consoled myself that maybe that money wasn’t meant to be mine anyway and Allah Ar-Razzaq will always, always provide for you.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, a friend/senior of mine was unexpectedly doing a quiz. It was a question asking about what was Allah’s first command to Nabi Adam a.s. I saw it, albeit a couple hours later when she posted it, and gave her an answer (two, actually, because I wasn’t sure). Later that day, turned out, I was correct (the second answer that i gave was the correct one)! And the first one to answer correctly! Hehe. She gave a little gift of money for answering correctly and to my surprise, the amount covered most of what I spent taking the Grab the other day. I was honestly soooo dumbstruck and heart warmed and grateful at the same time 😭. Allah replaced the money that I ‘had to‘ spend, going through that whole ordeal. Indeed, indeed Allah is Ar-Razzaq (The Provider) and having (and working towards having!) peace are important.

This month hasn’t been as peaceful as I wanted to be so this little story has been a good reminder first and foremost to myself to keep trying to be peaceful and especially surrendering and trusting Allah. It gets hard to remind yourself of all the good reminders when you’re going through tough times but I try my best to acknowledge the reminders when I come across them.

That ended up pretty long. I usually don’t have many stories to tell and turns out having to write the details out, makes it very lengthy, although in retrospect it’s quite a short story. It was interesting to recall the incident, I thought I’ve completely forgotten about it. That’s all for noww. Thank you for sticking around 😊

Wassalam ❤

p/s new hippo content! a live performance plus interview 🙂 the quality of this video is just soo goodd i can’t stop watching itt. they’ve done a couple of performances at the current, dating back to 2014, and it’s cool to see how they’ve grown 🙃

Birthday Posts · Random Posts

quarter

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!!

First of all, I’d like to address a couple of things, 1) I missed posting an entry for April so I lost my monthly streak (a little bit bitter because i had an idea on what to write, but i couldn’t because i had other (academic) papers i had to spend time to write on and finish by the end of the month.. trying not to beat myself down too much on that 🙃); 2) Eid Mubarak!! We had an unexpected early eid this year and it has been a busy week of eid for me but alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, couldn’t have wished for anything better; 3) It was Mothers Day yesterday, and I didn’t properly wish my mum so ibu, if you’re reading this, hello, Happy Mothers Day!! Thank you for always making du’a and wishing the best for us. Sorry for always complaining (and ugly crying) about my life to you hehe. May Allah grant you barakah in this life and the next ❤

*drum roll please* Had my birthday the other day and although on that day we (me and my family) were busy visiting our relatives, it was a pleasantly nice day. Compared to last year (i can’t stop thinking about how bad my birthday was last year), I’m so grateful that this year I get to spend it with my family. (if any of my family members read this: sorry lah cheesy sikit kali ni hehe)

*pauses to think about what i’ve done throughout these years*

A part of me feels like I’ve grown but a part of me feels like I’ve stayed the same. I remember that I used to be so confident with myself but now the non-confident side of me is bigger than the confident side of me. Still trying though. Wish it was easy but hey, that’s not what life is huh? [post edit comment: i just realized i wrote a similar thing on my ‘twenty’ post lol it never goes away does it? haha] I came across this video by vlogbrothers and I really really love it (also the title of the video is similar to one of my posts haha). Growing up you come to realize how complex life is and how this world works and it becomes overwhelming at times. And I guess I’m at this stage in my life, realizing all this stuff and trying to find where I fit in this world. But I do need to remind myself to not think about it too much else I end up staying at the same spot.

Also, I came across this khutbah by Imam Omar Suleiman about Eid and the passing of Ramadhan, and he said something that I thought was really nice. About how we shouldn’t be ‘moving on‘ from Ramadhan but ‘move forward‘ from it [at the 16:20 minute mark, but I recommend listening to the whole thing 🙂]. Instead of simply closing the chapter of what has passed, use the things that you’ve learned in your past to progress in life. I do miss Ramadhan and being in Ramadhan and I always, always make the du’a for the opportunity to meet Ramadhan again.

On a more positive note, I am grateful for the fact that I’m more aware of myself and the things that I go through every day. Feeling unsettled? Check the state of your heart. Have you been praying properly? Have you been reciting the Qur’an? Watching too much entertainment? Those are among the key things that I assess whenever I feel so. Oh and taking time to address those feelings because pushing them aside will only make it worse. Cry. Cry if it helps (most of the time it works for me) and make sure to get back up. I really have to thank Allah for allowing me to discover AA Plus. I think I’ve mentioned about it in previous posts but it has helped me a lot in learning more about the deen while indirectly helping me become a better person first and foremost to myself, inshaAllah 🙂

For the upcoming years, I have no idea where I’ll be but having trust in Allah is all I hold on to, plus making the effort. I used to be so hung up about wanting to be this or that in life but I have no control over the future except for the things I can work on right now. I guess I have matured a little bit huh? A liiiiittle bit. I’ll take that. (disclaimer, i don’t feel *inspirational* all the time but it does help when you’re feeling down, reminds me of ‘little things, all the stereotypes, they’re gonna help you get through this one night’ from one of dodie’s songs 😁)

Okay, this post has become a compilation of things/videos/music I’ve come across haha but hey, they surprisingly relate to what I’m trying to say! (although my thoughts are not as coherent)

I think this is enough for now. I don’t usually spend this long writing for a post but this birthday one is an exception. I probably might write another post this month to make up for last month’s but again, no promises!! Thanks for sticking around and reading through and have a good rest of your week!!🙂

Wassalam ❤

p/s brotherkenzie, hippo campus’ guitarist, has a song called 24 which I managed to discover a couple months before and i just :’)

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March Wrap-up (emoji of the month:😖)

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum,

It’s the 28th and I’m starting to feel anxious about not posting on this blog after making the intention to try and post every single month for this year haha. So here I am, to be honest, thinking about what to write every month is actually pretty difficult. I don’t go out a lot so I don’t have *fun* and *interesting* things to talk write about but hey, as boring my life seems, there’s always something happening either way.

tam is me thinking about my worries

And this month, I happen to be feeling anxious and worried quite a lot. My research is getting more real by the day and I’m starting to feel scared whether or not I can do it properly. The reason of feeling scared is because I’m already a year+ in and I should’ve been in this position a couple of semesters ago. That’s where the anxiousness and worry come – is whether or not I can finish on time. I also need to remind myself every so often that you can’t change the past, what’s happened has happened and what’s in the future you also cannot control. All you can do now is focus on what you’re doing right now and do your best (and make lots of du’a!!).

Another thing this month is that it’s been very exhausting physically and mentally that I haven’t had much time for myself (aka me sleeping and watching youtube videos lol) and I miss the times when I can do that 🙃. I also remembered that in one of the AAPlus Zoom calls (x), we were learning about the selawat and the ustazah was talking about how we have different layers to us, not the just the physical body, but also the soul. And similar to how the physical body needs sleep for rest and food for energy, our soul also needs to be fed – with worshipping and the remembrance of Allah, be it praying, reciting the Qur’an, dzikir and many more!! Sometimes when I feel tired or anxious, the question that I now often find myself asking, is that not only have I been giving my physical body its rights, but also have I also been giving my soul its rights?

Also, Ramadhan is coming soon! I’m so excited but I’m also feeling – guess what? – anxious/scared/worried because I’m going to start my experiment next month and I reeeeeealllly hope I can get through it, because it’s getting hotter now and the lab where I need to do my experiment in doesn’t have air conditioning and I don’t wanna sweat too much (and also feeling extremely thirsty) while fasting. That and using the equipment, collecting the sample, sending it for analysis and waiting for the results (which usually takes more than a week and I also have to submit a paper later that month too 😩). If you happen to read this, pleeeaasseee make du’a for me and I hope may Allah also ease your affairs 😖.

I think that’s all for now. I think this monthly post thing is going to be a form of me venting about what has happened throughout the month lol. Anyway, it’s still ✨content✨. I do hope it is beneficial in a way. How? I have no idea 😂. Buhbye. (3 out 12 posts done yay! alhamdulillah)

Wassalam ❤

p/s here’s my all-time favourite hippo campus song (tiba tiba haha)

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random update – feb

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!!

Something just happened out of the blue. It isn’t that dramatic but I’m really really grateful it happened!! So for context, I don’t quite remember how I got into this but I think I saw it on LinkedIn, but there was an offer of a free online Intro to Data Science course for a limited amount of time (correction: the offer was via email from MYFutureJobs, collaborating with Microsoft and other organizations that i can’t quite remember). And I was like ‘this is quite interesting…🤔 and it’s free 😏’, so I gave it a shot. I finished the intro course at the end of last year and after the confirmation of completing the course, we were offered to continue to either one of the 5 Digital Skills Courses (Data Scientist, Data Analyst, DevOps, Software Developer, or IT Support). The description is below.

the email

From there, I chose Data Analyst (don’t ask me why, it’s just that it’s the one that appealed to me the most 😬). After that, I got enrolled into 4 courses. My first impulse was to check when is the deadline to complete all four courses. All of them were to end on 28th February. The date I got enrolled into them were 26th January. I had a slight panic inside me because it felt impossible to finish all of them in such a short amount of time. Also, the fact that I am still doing my research full-time, makes it more challenging to balance my time if I wanted to complete all the courses on time. I did email them to ask for an extension but that didn’t work.

the original deadline

So, I let go of this notion of forcing myself to finish on time and tawakkal (this is the best word that i can think of right now). Just try to do as much as I can, when I can because if I planned to work on it 2-3 hours everyday, it’s not gonna happen (several weeks later, i can confirm this 😂). To be honest, my sole intention was to just give it a try and if Allah allows me to finish it, then it will happen. If not, maybe it’s not meant for me and I can say that I have tried. At least I learned something, right?

So, for the first two weeks, I managed to go through the courses according to plan. But by the third week, I felt pressured. Because if I miss a day, I’m gonna have to quickly make up for it and with the current situation of my research (i.e. not in good way), I was on the verge of burning out and it was so stressful. At that point, I was like, ‘it’s fine then if i don’t finish these courses’ but at the same time, I was getting quite sad because I would really love to be able to complete it on time (in other words, i don’t like not finishing what i’ve started).

As of now, I just started the third course this morning and was about to continue it right before writing this (~9:30 pm) when I saw the ‘Course End Date’ change!!

the updated deadline!!!

SubhanAllah!! So happy! My thought was like ‘maybe others were worried and emailed about this too’ (but maybe not idk). Anyway, I can take a breather for a bit and not stress myself out too much (is this a sign that Allah does want me to complete these courses?? 👀). Taking these courses is also like a distraction from my research (because i’m having so many problems with my catalyst synthesis (!!) but i don’t wanna talk about it right now, pray for me that everything will be eased 😣). All in all, all is better now alhamdulillah 🙂.

That was a loong intro compared to what the main point of what I was wanting to share haha. I hope it was understandable. That’s all for nowww.

Wassalam ❤

p/s new hippo campus album out now!! been on repeat for the past week 😎 aaa, i wanna post the whole album here but here’s a few of my favourites (shoutout altereagle for continuous hippo campus content on youtube 😆). also, they’re having a concert stream and i definitely bought tickets to that!! it’s the first live stream since the release of their new album!

semi-pro makes my heart :))
this was the final track of the album and i love it sooo much
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i don’t know what to title this

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

I’m having this constant urge to write here but I have no idea what to write about honestly. Well, I do have some thoughts inside my head, but they’re either of no importance or they’re too personal. Anyway, we’ll see how this post ends. Oh, when I opened the WordPress dashboard, there was a notification saying that it’s my WordPress ‘anniversary‘ today?! It’s been like what, six – no, seven years that this blog has been up. And subhanAllah, how time flies.

I’ve always loved writing. Informally, most of the time. I remember that it all started with me not knowing how to express my anger towards something that happened in front of me (surprise, surprise, i feel anger too). It was 2013, I think? I then grabbed an empty notebook that I had that time and wrote it out. Up until now I still do write once in a while when my thoughts gets so tangled and writing is the only way I get to untangle it, at least a little. It also helps me to become present since most of the thoughts are about things that are out of my control. I don’t write everyday though, once in two weeks, maybe?

This blog is a different story though. I’ve mentioned it before, I guess, but it was basically for an English assignment for the preparatory programme before flying to the US. I just wish that this ‘assignment’ was more appreciated in a way because it seemed like it we were asked to do it just because (well, to improve our vocabulary mainly) and people didn’t seemed to care about it as much? But yeah, I took this opportunity to do it properly. (am i though? haha i just do this for fun and i barely get any views 😂)

Anyway, a good thing about this blog that I have is surprise, surprise… looking back at it!! Especially that the time frame has been literally during my stay in the US (pointless fact: yes, i do miss the u.s once in a while but. i. have. to. move. onnnn). And it’s interesting to look back at how you were, now that you’re on the ‘other side‘. I also sometimes think about what/how I would be like if things were different…

Okay, to avoid myself from going through an existential crisis, let’s talk about what I have been excited about recently!! I watched tick, tick… BOOM! on Netflix recently, three times already, and listened to the soundtrack throughout the week because I couldn’t get enough of it. The last time I was excited about a musical was when I went to see Dear Evan Hansen (in 2019 !!). There something about being able to express and articulate via singing (and sounding soo good) gets me every time.

Another thing is the band that I’ve been following (me trying to be subtle but it’s hippo campus!! i feel like my family and friends are getting fed up about me talking about them 😂) is going to release their new album and I honestly don’t know what to feel. I guess I’m mostly scared because it’s been sooo long since they’ve released an album and I’m scared that I will not like it? Or that I might force myself to like it? Some people have been pointing out their change in music style, but they’ve been changing it since their second album, Bambi, so yeah. But anyway, I need to remind myself that I have no obligations to like or not like songs they put out 😌. If I like it, sure, if not, that’s okay too. Less than three weeks left before it’s released and I am pumped!!

One last thing that I want to write about is that I’ve been following AAPlus’ Consistency classes for a couple of weeks (it’s mainly watching ~21 15-minute videos) and I’m really grateful for it because I can at least have some structure in my days. Some of the main points that are sticking with me so far is making identity-based consistency as opposed to goal-based consistency (‘i want to be a reader’ vs ‘i want to read xx books’), breaking down your habits into easy, manageable tasks and specifically setting where and when you’ll do your habits. I’m also not putting too much pressure on myself on finishing it (it’s been two-ish weeks and i’m just on my 8th episode 😬) so that I don’t feel I’m ‘obligated‘ to do it, which will make me enjoy the process more.

*me looking back at what i’ve just written* Okay… this was very messy and unplanned. I don’t know what to title this haha (future me: that’s the title alright). But it was fun! I may or may not have made the intention to write more on this blog and by that I mean, posting at least once a month rather than just 4 times a year (yes, i did that in 2018 and 2021 😬). InshaaAllah, we’ll see hehe. That’s all for now. Thanks for bearing with me and my rambles.

Wassalam ❤

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Little miracle of the day (Uncovering Drafts #3)

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

This one is an overdue post, I wrote it as a draft two weeks ago but I’m only able to post it now. I’m not not busy (i have a conference that i have to attend tomorrow), so this post is basically to distract myself from that atm 😬 also, i’m having trouble shortening my presentation, so pray for me!

14th November 2021

so, i’m back at my college (read: dorm, i’ll call it ksj here).. and one thing i have always been worrying about is how to get my meals. before this (back in april), i had to order foodpanda because none of the cafes here were open. it wasn’t the best of options if you’re short of money, so that made me worry a little. before returning back to ksj, i was notified that the cafes in ksj are now open. now that i’m back at ksj, at this point, i haven’t yet gone to the cafe because you do have to walk a little from my block, so i wasn’t 100% sure that they ARE open. the day before, i just looked from afar and it didn’t seem like the cafes were open. since then i kind of just accepted the fact that i will have to go out to the food court outside to buy meals though it’s pretty crowded there and i’m kinda scared of going there alone. (also, disclaimer, i don’t have a car so driving around wasn’t an option).

and then just now for lunch, i ‘planned’ that after praying zuhur, i would just go ahead and buy food at the food court outside.. the moment i finished praying (i remember actually making du’a for ease of me getting food here because it really did worry me and i didn’t want to spend money on delivery everyday) and getting ready, all of a sudden (i’m not kidding, literally the moment i finished getting ready), i got a message from this block’s whatsapp group that there’s free food given out at the cafe! so i’m like yay! alhamdulillah!! i went to the cafe to grab the free food and it turns out there are stalls that are open! not a lot though since i guess it was a weekend.

after getting the free food, i asked the worker there about opening times and she also said that there are other stalls that will be open during the weekdays. listening to that, i became soooo relieved and grateful! if it weren’t for that free food announcement, i wouldn’t have gone to the cafe and see for myself that there are stalls that are open. now i don’t need to worry about food as much any more :))

the takeaway for this is that having faith in Allah is so important. when you notice yourself worrying (as i tend to do), make du’a, believe that He’s going to help you and if things don’t go your way, it’s okay to be sad about it (another thing i always tend to do), but remember Allah always has better plans for you (and with our limited human capabilities, it’s normal for us to not fully understand it), make sure to put in your effort and tawakkal when you’ve done your best 🙂

the free meal: nasi with ikan masak sambal, sayur bayam and tempe 😋

Honestly, after going through all that, it may seem nothing to other people but I really thought of it as a little miracle for me hehe. The moment of getting the announcement of the free food very unexpectedly, I was really like 😲. Not only did I not need to pay for the meal, I also got the confirmation that I have a place to buy my food now.

Okay, that’s all for now. Back to practicing my presentation 🙃

Wassalam ❤

p/s a new solo project from hippo campus’ drummer was released the other day and i’m currently very emotional about it :’) my current favourite is this one:

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Reminders, reminders for the self (and maybe for you too!)

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamu’alaikum!!

It’s been a (long) while. It’s hard to want to write about something but not knowing what to write about (because I don’t want this blog to be deserted). And, as a person who doesn’t go out as much (plus, the situation rn), it’s hard to accomplish that. (also, the things i would like to write about are usually very trivial and i don’t think it’s worth sharing). I’ve been constantly delaying writing about this because – brain: overthinking, but I’m gonna go ahead and just write about it (i feel like i say this in every post but whatever 😂).

Before that, a quick introduction, I’ve been following Aida Azlin’s Love Letters (via email) for the past couple of years. I’m sure most of the people I know know her work. (I knew her from my friends anyway, but here’s her website if you’re interested and it’s for ladies only). The Love Letters usually contain stories and her reflections which become beautiful reminders for us that we could apply in our lives. Anyway, once in a while, she opens up a subscription called AAPlus, which is more extensive of her Love Letters (i’m not entirely sure how to describe it lol). After delaying it a few times, this time around, I set my heart and I joined.

I have currently joined a couple of the Zoom calls and listened to a couple of ‘classes‘ (they’re more like podcasts i would say) and subhanAllah, they always hit home. (i forgot to mention that they’re spiritual/islamic content, like about surah al-fatihah, du’as, our daily prayers and MORE) I’m constantly in awe and overwhelmed with gratefulness, each time I listen to them. Trying my best to not digress, I’m going to write about the recurring theme/s that I’m constantly being reminded of: intentions and du’a.

They’re very simple things. But, the power of it, especially for us muslims, is very substantial. So, intentions right, those are the things that want to do, want to have, want to be etc. Du’as, on the other hand, are the things we ask of Allah to do, want to have, want to be etc. Practicing this should make us more mindful, more present in our life. And knowing that Allah sees/hears us in every step of the way, this should be the more a good reason for you to keep making intentions and du’a in every thing you do (even if it’s for the smallest, simplest thing) (reminder to self!).

Being reminded of intentions and du’a had me reflecting on the things that Allah had made come true in my life. What are some of the things that I have now that I didn’t have before but subconsciously made an intention for? An example that has been in head for a couple of days now and I’m still overwhelmed by is relearning about our daily prayers. I’ve always been feeling like I need to improve my prayers especially in understanding the meaning behind all of the movements, the recitation because I feel like without the understanding, I am unable to feel the sweetness of what we are commanded to do, at least five times, every single day. Because when Allah asks for us to do something, it’s always, always for our benefit, right?

So this feeling has been stronger over the past year. I tried reading books (just one unfortunately) but I still had the feeling of wanting more. I kind of stopped searching for books because I got busy with other matters (*life*) but I guess the intention was subconsciously within me throughout this time. And fast forward to this day.. alhamdulillah, there’s a ‘class’ in AAPlus that goes through the very thing that I’ve been wanting to learn! I didn’t quite realize it at first but it hit me after the first lesson of the class. It was about the athaan (call to prayer) and the compulsory intention we make before starting our prayer. I’ve been so excited ever since! And of course, that was only one thing that I actually noticed, what are the other things that I’ve missed that Allah made true? SubhanAllah 😦 I haven’t finished the class yet. I’m trying not to finish it as quickly as I can because I want properly digest what I’ve learned and apply/practice it my life 😬.

I wanted to write more but to not make this post any longer, here are some notes that I’ve got written down from the sharing in one of the Zoom calls that I feel like are good reminders:

  • we don’t wanna be basic when making du’a, be AMAZING
  • make du’a even though you think it’s impossible, who else should you ask for the impossible? Allah SWT
  • make du’as for other people too ❤
  • make du’a for Allah to accept it also
  • listened to many beautiful stories about making du’a.. just wanna share as a reminder to you and me, make du’a!!
  • don’t feel anxious whether it happens or not –> reminder: if it’s meant for u, it’s meant for u and vice versa, pray for the best 🙂
  • Allah grants your du’as in His time
  • while making du’a for the things you want in the dunya, don’t forget to make du’a for your akhirat

I think I’ve gotten every thing out of my chest thus far. What are some of the things that Allah made true for you? And if not (yet), I pray that Allah ease your affairs and grant the best for you 🙂

Wassalam ❤

p.s one thing/reminder i forgot to add is there is also an adab/etiquette in making du’a. first, say gratitude (alhamdulillah) followed by sending selawat to the Prophet SAW and then, make your du’a. there is significance behind the order and saying each one but i kind of forgot and it’s midnight here and i’m a wee bit tired but feel free to explore on your own 🙂

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Uncovering Drafts #2

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

I’ve been wanting to write this since last month but haven’t gotten around to doing so because *life* but I managed to quickly draft some thoughts before I let it settle too deep inside of me. Therefore, below is a rewriting of it but with an addition on my current perspective.

26th March 2021 12:42 am

So during this time, or basically earlier this month, I was informed that I had to be present on campus to continue my research work. I knew it was coming but my initial reaction to that was that I was dreading it. I guess I have become too comfortable at home so the thought of leaving it was not what I wanted.

However, there was a procedure to enter campus, and since I am from a different state to the university, I had to undergo isolation. But before that I had to have an official letter that allows me to enter campus. So I did apply for the letter.

That seems fine, right? What wasn’t to me was the waiting time. There was different phases for students entering campus and I was expecting to be entering campus mid March but there was still no response (fast forward, i eventually entered campus early april) and it was making me anxious. I hate being unclear and uncertain about stuff. The thoughts that constantly made me worry was that I have no idea how the place that I will be staying in, the campus, and generally navigating this new place. I also had to continue my research somehow but it will not be happening unless I arrive at campus. (another thought that came into my mind after all that was if i knew (and was being informed) that i wasn’t going to enter campus until april, i wouldn’t have worried too much)

(i forgot to add. i was also dreading leaving home pretty much because i will be leaving my two furry voids and a constantly sickly kitty and several semi-feral cats outside our house)

🐈🐈🐈

Thus, by the middle of March, I was emotionally drained and tired to the point where it affected me. I prefer to not get into the details but it was definitely a reminder for me to take care of myself and not dwell too much on/about the future.

Retrospectively, now that I’m on the other side of the story, it easier to say that I shouldn’t have worried about it. However, during that time, I was pretty sure that I tried to not worry about it. And it still somehow got the best of me. I was really grateful to have someone (i.e. my parents 💖) to talk to about it (or mostly ugly crying) although it was hard to do so in the first place.

Now, I’m finally near my campus area. Again, quite overwhelmed with this new environment that I have to adjust to (i’ve spent five years trying to adjust to the academic environment in the US, now i have to adjust back to the academic environment in malaysia? 🤔 i’m not complaining, it’s just that there are minor things/the way things work are different and i sometimes forget that it’s not the same). Feels weird but refreshing in a way? Still have some doubts about some stuff once in a while but I pray that I’ll be strong enough to fight it heehee 🙃

ありがとうございます (Arigatou gozaimasu) for reading this far. This one’s a little bit personal but when am I not personal writing these posts?! Haha. Oh, I’m apparently taking a Japanese Language and Culture class because it’s required. Pretty interesting class. Didn’t expect to learn another language but here I am!

That’s all for now. Hope you’re having a blessed Ramadhan 🤗

Wassalam ❤

Book Review

Finished the Anne Series!

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

With all the stuff that’s been going on, I didn’t realize that I missed a month, almost two, writing here (my target for this blog is writing at least once a month). No wonder I had this weird ‘itch’ of needing to write something. Also… maybe it’s because my brain is too packed with all this academic stuff that I want to write something unrelated to it to take my mind off of it for a while. (And I need a break from writing every sentence and contemplating whether it needs a proof/reference or not lol)

So, book review! Today’s about the Anne series that I managed to finish. Yay! Finally. From a previous post, I mentioned about starting reading again sometime in June and it was the first book of the series: Anne of Green Gables. I won’t write about each book but it’s more of my personal experience and impression going through eight, eight (!), of the books. But first, here are all of the books in the series!

Cover-wise, my favourite is Anne of Windy Poplars (#4) 😊 Also, deep down, I do feel like this is an achievement for me because persevering through a series of stories that are at least 100 years old, isn’t easy, especially for me (i’ve just realized that i haven’t read that many ‘classic’ books).

Another thing, just a little heads up, although I won’t be going into the details of the story, there might still be mild (?) spoilers, and also the general plot of the story that I think most people already know, so keep that in mind? I started reading the first book in June and finished a few days ago in February, so it is very likely that I will not remember that much anyway 😂 I targeted to finish them all by December last year, but that didn’t work out.

Like I said in my previous post (link), I wanted to read the Anne series because Netflix cancelled the show after season 3 and I was curious about what the rest of the story was about. And yes, I am fully aware that Anne with an E is just an adaptation and it does not completely follow the book. Turns out, the whole three seasons actually covered only Anne of Green Gables (Book 1). Books 2 and 3, Anne of Avonlea and Anne of the Island, were about Anne growing up, going to college and pursuing her dream job as a teacher. I definitely enjoyed reading through those, and surprisingly went through those books pretty quickly. (Can you imagine if the Netflix series continued? It’d be so amazing to see how it would’ve been adapted!)

However, starting from Book 4 (Anne of Windy Poplars) onwards, although the story of Anne as an adult, getting married (!!!), moving into her ‘House of Dreams‘, getting children, and Anne as a mother sound compelling, I was still quite unfulfilled reading the rest of the books in the series. Here are some of my bullet point thoughts when reading the books (generally and mostly regarding Books 4 and onwards):

  • There are so many characters! I can try listing them all but I’m sure I would miss some of them. I found myself hard to keep up with who’s who and who they are talking about. Now that I think of it, it feels like knowing the whole community of the island.
  • There are a lot of small stories within the book especially from word of mouth by the characters. Again, hard for me to keep up.
  • The focus on the characters changes moving from one book to another. Unfortunately, there was less of Anne in the later books which made me a little bit sad, because I wanted more stories focused on Anne. (oh and there wasn’t much about gilbert and anne, which i was looking forward to, even though they did get married eventually) (also, i think i miss her monologues as well because she romanticizes a lot and i like reading those hehe)
  • It took me longer to finish the later books compared to the earlier ones. (or maybe because it’s because i started my research so i couldn’t spend more time reading? hmm)
  • The style of the chapters sometimes were letters or diary entries which personally, I didn’t quite enjoy because some were very long and to me, very long letters or diary entries didn’t seem realistic. I just can’t imagine writing super long letters to someone hoping they’d read it all. (here’s me talking about how i don’t like long entries when this post is particularly long lol sorry about that. oh and maybe, people actually do that it the past?)
  • I did, however, enjoy some stories in the book. There were things that happened to Anne that were funny, unexpected and you can see those traits pass down to her children.

Overall, I’m glad that I read the books because I finally know how the story was supposed to be! The author, L.M. Montgomery, definitely put a lot of thought into her characters, considering how many there were. Of course, no book is perfect (or is that just up to personal taste? most likely) but it was definitely a great experience for me, especially in getting myself back into reading. Sometime in the future, I’d for sure will pick up the books and read them again, maybe not the whole 8 books though hehe.

That’s all I have so far. Thanks for reading this far and making it to the end! Really appreciate it 🙂

Wassalam ❤

p/s obligatory-usually-music-related post-script, me discovering old hippo campus songs because i’m still waiting for their new music to come out 😐

Random Posts

Working as a student custodian

nadhilah_sLeave a comment

Assalamualaikum!

(taking a break, yes, on a tuesday, from some stuff. i’ve been wanting to write this ever since i got the photo!)

So, I’d like to show you this photo.

(i purposely blurred it just in case some of them wouldn’t want this in public)

As you all have noticed, apart from me blurring it, it isn’t the best resolution because it’s a scanned photo. The story is that we took this photo someday in Summer 2019, but I couldn’t remember exactly when. I wasn’t sure what it was for but I guess the Facilities Department do that once in a while. And luckily I was working that day! Of course out of all the days, I wore a shirt that isn’t maroon 🙄 I forgot to ask for that photo before I returned back to Malaysia unfortunately. But, thankfully I was able to still get it, even if it’s just a scanned photo. Better than nothing.

When I received this photo and looked at it, (ehem, cue the nostalgic and sentimental side of me) it reminded me of the days I worked there. And boy, there are just so many! I really liked working there because I can set my own schedule (I worked part-time) and work whenever I wanted to. Everyone was so nice to me and working was a good break for me from academics. And if I couldn’t go to work suddenly, I didn’t need to find a replacement. I managed to stay working for almost two years despite my classes being quite packed in certain semesters.

Some random moments at work that I can think of (not in any order):

  1. Getting to explore the buildings in West Bank – the best one was I got to go the underground of a building where they store archives. Also, my classes were mostly in East Bank so working there allowed me to explore other parts of the campus. Another one is the room that used to be a bookstore but is now used to store equipment. Fun fact: almost all of the buildings in West Bank are connected via tunnels or skyways (the buildings in East Bank are too but it’s very extended, and eventually you still need to go out for shortcuts) so you can literally go from one building to another without going out… which also means, I can push my cart (cleaning cart) which is pretty big and bulky to most of the buildings.
  2. Me getting flustered internally when people ask me directions. Sometimes I managed to give clear directions, other times I stuttered 😂
  3. Using/riding the scrubber/sweeper! I love riding those things.
  4. My colleague (a full-time worker) sometimes brings me along for a car wash and I would help clean the university vehicles.
  5. That time I helped to clean the room at the State Fair.
  6. More car rides to go from a building to another! 🚗
  7. That time when someone purposely clogged the toilets (yes, toiletS, not just one) using toilet paper. I was so annoyed at this!!
  8. That time when we helped a bird escape from a building. It was stuck because of the clear windows and it couldn’t fly away. Spent a good 15 minutes or so helping it fly out.
  9. That time when I met Decarlo, who plays the trumpet for hippo campus, because he was performing for an event, on a Saturday. After contemplating for a while, I forced myself to go up to him, riiight before he, and his team was about to leave, and we had a little chat hehe.
  10. The times that I didn’t enjoy were the times when there was nothing much to do 😬 but that was very minimal
  11. Finally, definitely enjoyed all the times I worked with my full-time colleagues 😊

Anyway, what really made me sad was that I wasn’t able to say goodbye to everyone I worked with before returning home. As you all know, the pandemic happened and suddenly my supervisor emailed us student workers that we are not required to go to work. And ‘not working’ continued until the end of my final semester. When I was to return my work keys, I didn’t see anyone I worked with around and felt kind of sad that I couldn’t say goodbye. If I were to be able to meet everyone for the last time, I’d definitely thank them a bunch for being very accommodating, even though I was just a student worker. Working as a custodian at West Bank campus will always be an experience that I would not want to forget.

That’s all for now. Hope everyone is doing alright (if not, that’s okay, but remember to take care of yourself!!)!

Wassalam ❤

p/s new music discovery below!! more minneapolis-based music and some members from hippo campus helped produce some of his music heehee